Chocolate Milk
by Nimblefoot13
Summary: Edward Elric is interested (not) when he hears of chocolate milk. It gets kinda weird towards to middle. Allergy Warning: Contains dairy products and traces of established RoyEd fluff. Rated because Ed. (and Roy, of course. Can't have a good argument with only one person!) No flames, because we all know what happened when Roy flamed that Ishvalan kid. I own nothing.


**Chocolate milk**

Roy Mustang slammed a bottle down on the table, causing Ed to look up from his complicated alchemy book.

"What is that?" He drawled uninterestedly.

"Just some delicious Chocolate milk. Maybe you should try some." He smirked irritatingly.

"Milk? You know I hate Milk!" Edo exclaimed. Roy's eyebrow twitched.

"Why don't you try _THIS_ milk?"

"No, I won't try the fucking milk!"

"Try it!"

"No!"

"Try it!"

"No!"

"Try. It." This time through gritted teeth.

"Oh my gate- NO!"

"I DID COMPLEX ALCHEMY TO INVENT THIS SO DRINK THE GODDAMN MILK!"

"..." Ed finally shut up. "You did something other than flame alchemy for me?"

"Yes, and you won't even try it!" Roy pouted cutely. Ed grumbled uncertainly for a minute.

"… only because I love you, ya bastard" He spat softly under his breath. Hesitantly, Ed brought the bottle to his lips. 'Here goes nothing' he thought to himself. He put it down again and groaned. Hell, even losing two limbs, Al, and worst of all- getting wrenches to the head have kept him from doing this. Now, because of a messy haired, dark eyed colonel, he was doing what was considered (to him) worse than death. Well, he hasn't done it just yet.

"I know you can do it, Ed," Roy encouraged, adding a quick kiss for motivation. At this, Ed flushed and took a rapid swig of the drink. The chocolate flavored poison slipped into his mouth and fluidly (duh) down his throat. Ed was surprised that he was not at all repulsed and instead found the taste quite pleasant. Gingerly, he set the drink down and kept his face neutral.

"I guess it's not that bad."

Roy grinned in a somewhat deranged manner.

"See? OUR LOVE TRANSCENDS EVEN MILK ITSELF! HAHAHA!"

Ed looked at his boyfriend strangely.

"This is what happens when you drink too much milk. This is why I'm not crazy like you!"

"At least I'm not a shrimp so small that you're classified as a new form of exceptionally tiny protist."

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A SHRI- oh. I HOPE YOU STEP ON A LEGO!"

At this, Roy began to whimper uncharacteristically.

"You take that baaa-aack!" A whine issued from the emotional Colonel.

Ed realized his mistake and immediately felt guilty. However, only his pride kept him from apologizing. Roy, however, began to roll around on the floor, crying about miniskirts and dogs. It seems where Ed lacked in height, Roy lacked in shame, at least at home. Or when he was drinking. Or talking about dogs. Or miniskirts.

"Roy," he stated reproachfully. "Roy stop crying- Roy get off the floor already!"

This just made him even _more_ upset and he then proceeded to grow mushrooms and sulk under the table.

"Oh my gate, fine, I'm sorry!"

Roy rolled out from under the furniture and straightened up as if nothing had happened.

"So did you like the milk?" He queried.

"I already told you, it's okay." The twitch in the younger man's eyebrow warned the usually annoying colonel not to push it.

"Okay, okay." Roy surrendered; putting his hands up to further his point, while quirking a contradictory eyebrow down at the blond pipsqueak when he set the bottle of milk in the ice box. Ed was starting to feel the heat from discussing the topic of milk (and his preference to it) and he felt the need to get off the subject. Quickly. So he did what any person would do in that situation. Tried to look sexy enough to distract Roy. (It really wasn't that hard) He sat on the table and fiddled with his braid, acting as if it wasn't to his liking. He squirmed around trying to see it and then finally undid it, flipping it luxuriously *cue smexy music* and letting the light catch it in a way he knew drove Mustang crazy. Meanwhile, the aforementioned man was getting a full view of a stretched out Ed, playing with his hair, wearing leather pants. You know, the tight ones.

"Ehh, Hawkeye will be here to pick us up soon, Fullmetal" Roy used his work name to try and recover some form of authority over the younger alchemist. Not happening.

"Think you could help me with this, Colonel Bastard?" Ed snarked, gesturing to his flowing gold locks. He hadn't actually intended to let all his hair fall out of the tie. The basta- I mean Colonel nodded and gently began to comb through the long hair with a practiced ease. His nimble fingers, capable of lighting devastating flames, were now caressing the tangles out of his lover's hair. He fondly began to put it up in different ways, first a bun like Hawkeye's (which Ed immediately shot down), then a high pony tail, and then a low one. Finally, Roy sighed and unveiled his most un-manly secret: his awesome Katniss braid/fishtail style braiding abilities. (Picked up from a certain ginger hairdresser he dated a while back) Ed didn't seem to care much, or maybe he was asleep. Who knows anyway?

"You know, it's getting quite long" he commented, while Ed just hummed in drowsy pleasure, barely acknowledging the man's words. Outside they heard a car door slam, pulling them from the sweet scene.

"Time to work," Ed stated tiredly. Roy just smiled and pressed a chaste kiss to Ed's temple before leading him put into the bright, clean sunlight to tackle the new day.

_**Omake**_

Now at the office, Roy decided to take a little nap. Hawkeye was extremely busy at the moment, so he wasn't in any immediate danger. As he closed his eyes, he mused whether putting Ed's hair up that… well, _girly, _was a good idea. Oh well, it's not like he can do anything about it now.

**Meanwhile:**

"Wow chief, nice braid you got there!" Havoc snickered at the blond around his cigarette.

"Yeah, looking good. It kinda makes you look taller," Breda laughed along. Ed felt his anger boiling up.

"DON'T CALL ME SMALL!"

"Are you guys busy in here?" Came a gleeful question from the door. Hughes* poked his head in. "Because I have these adorable pictures of Alicia dressed up as princess! And I even brought the hair clips she used and look how cute the tiny crown is! Awww-"

Suddenly, Ed had an idea. A hilarious, wicked idea.

"Lieutenant Colonel, can borrow those? And bring your camera." He took the hair accessories from the obssesive man and walked into Mustang's office, the rest of the crew at his heels. As suspected, the Colonel was fast asleep. Carefully, he attached all eight glittery pink bows plus the bedazzled tiara into the dark hair. A few clicks later, everyone was laughing at the sight of Princess Roy Mustang, Ed's dainty braid long forgotten. However, the ruckus caused the slumbering Colonel to stir, and mumble something.

"What was that? Something about leather pants and Ed's tight as-" Fuery started.

"er... Look out he's waking up!" And with that, the flushing alchemist ran from the room into the corridor, where he collided with Hawkeye. She raised an eyebrow.

"NotimetoexplainMustang'sgonnakillm-"

"FULLMETAL!"

Ed squeaked and breathlessly took off in the general direction of "away".

*I don't care what timeline or AU or whatever you believe this to be in, but Hughes sure as hell is in it.


End file.
